Teacher Conference in Kochi, Japan - Jan. 25, 1991. Letter to my father. Found in his roll-top desk today (Dec. 21, 2014)

Dear Mom & Dad, I just got back from a conference today. It was a 3-day affair in Kochi City (look it up on a map - it's in Southern Japan). T'was a little warmer than Okayama is at the moment. Irma came down with me. So she enjoyed shopping or discovering the sights of Kochi while I attended 3 days of conferences in the Kochi Conference Centre. The topics: Education & living in Japan. Some 400 people took part, 300 AETs (like me) & 100 Japanese teachers of English (TTEs). AET means Assistant English Teacher. Irma & I didn't say in a hotel, although most AETs did. We did a homestay in a very comfortable AET apartment. It boasted a VCR with two English films. The owner of the "aparto" (how Japanese people say apartment) kindly rented a couple of movies, you see. Her name is Debbie Riverbed or something like that. And she's from England. She was one of the organizers of the 3-day conference. So she simply bunked with her fellow organizers, I guess. In fact, I never actually met her. You see, she left her key under the garbage can outside and told me where it was by phone. She is a Berkeley, California, University graduate. Really there are some interesting people on this program. In Kochi, I met the guy I shared a hotel room with when I first landed in Tokyo 18 months ago. He's a very nice guy, from Ottawa, Ontario. He has a Japanese girlfriend, so we (Irma, he, Mika, and I) went out for supper on the last night of the conference. By the way, Jane's wedding video is a big hit with my students. I like to show them the scene where Dad is crying & the shot of Jane & Marc kissing. All think Jane is gorgeous in her white wedding dress. Tonight I must write a one-page article on the Naked Man's Festival that I attended last year. It's for a local newsletter. By the way, my supervisor is helping me get Irma's article on "Sewing Machines for Mexico" into the local newspaper. But I digress... to get back to my original topic (Kochi), it is a 3-hour express train ride from Okayama. I left for Kochi half a day later than my friends for a very sad reason. The 22-year-old daughter of one of my fellow teachers died. She was on a homestay in Christchuch, New Zealand, when she died in her sleep. The funeral was the day before the conference. Mrs. Nishizaki & her family held the funeral in their home (a Japanese custom). Many people arrived carrying envelopes filled with money. A tent near the house is where you give the contribution. Then you enter the front gate and sprinkle incense (check spelling) on a small smoldering fire. Funeral chants are uttered non-sop within the house. Then everyone waits outside for an hour or so till the ceremony is over. The family exits and thanks the friends for coming. Lost in a sea of tears, the father gave a short eulogy directed at the audience. The largest group of mourners were the girl's old brass band club from high school. You see, clubs are like family. Well, that's all for now. Love Bernard xxooxx P.S. Mrs. Nishizaki was holding a small box within which were the cremated (ash) remains of her daughter. After the eulogy, the family re-entered the house. Now direct contact was made between the family & mourners. But Mrs. Nishizaki is my special friend. And as i was walking past the front gate, she spotted me as she was about to re-enter the house. Because I am a foreigner perhaps, she broke with tradition and walked quickly to me, carrying the dead girl's remains in the box. I walked toward her and was at a loss about what to do or say. In Japan, the ONLY thing you can do is give a cash donation to the family. I blurted out that "You are a beautiful woman and this is a terrible thing." Not the most eloquent thing to say, but what can you say to an eternal optimist who has just lost a precious daughter. Then I put my arm around her, TO THE DISMAY OR SURPRISE OF SOME OTHER JAPANESE. Then I slowly retreated and she did a most remarkable thing. She performed a deep, low bow (still cradling her child in her arms) until I and Mr. Araki were out of sight. What an incredible woman. It is a moment I can never forget. What a tragedy! P.P.S. Mrs. Nishizaki alwas had tea with me and Mr. Teratani at Asahi High School. She also organized a party in honour of Irma and my wedding. She also drove me to the City Hall for the ivil marriage & was one of the wo official witness. As well, on our church wedding day, she took Irma to her mother for the kimono-fitting and she was the last person to leave after we'd cleaned the hall following the reception. So she is a very, very dear frined of mine and Irma's. Bye, B.N.